Sunday, July 7, 2013

How To Gain Confidence - You Can Develop Hope

By Shelly S. Carrillo


There are no secrets in this world. There are only things we do no know at this point in time. And when you DO know it, it's not a secret anymore. This leads me to tell you that there is only one way to truly gain self confidence. This is by a process. You must realize that gaining confidence has almost never happened overnight. Of course there are always exceptions to everything in this world. Learning how to gain self confidence is a process and I want to tell you 7 really great tips on how to gain self confidence.Don't care what other people think. I know you may think "How am I supposed to do that?". Well the fact is that you can't change what anybody else thinks.

This ignores two important facts. One is that we are not simply victims of our external situations. We can choose our response to any given situation. When we look at one person caught in a traffic jam having a tantrum and another relaxing in their car like they are on a beach, we can see that the same situation has brought out two different responses. The traffic jam does not have an automatic response it brings out in people. It is a neutral event and we choose to shed a positive or negative light on it based on our own beliefs and thoughts.

Secondly, our hope stems from the things we focus on. We can actively develop hope long before anything good or bad happens to us in a particular area of our life. Yes, that's right, we can develop hope. How?We develop hope by focussing on things that give us hope. By shifting our focus to the positives, we automatically create feelings of hope. For instance, if you continually think about your successes in life, you will be more inclined to feel strong and good about yourself. If you focus on what is working at the moment (rather than what is wrong) you will feel better.

Also if you get in the habit of focussing on the things you can control and not obsess about stuff that is totally out of your realm of influence, you will increase your feelings of hope.Developing hope is a habit. If you make it a habit to focus on the positives and what you can do to make things better, you will feel better about yourself and definitely more hopeful.Here are three things that you should understand in order to fight with your insecurities and gain more confidence.

The practice of meditation has gained popularity for this reason. You might want to look into Tai Chi, which involves physical relaxation techniques.Whatever method you decide on, take relaxation seriously. The benefits are just too great to ignore. If you've never considered relaxation important, think of it this way: if you can attend to something that results in feeling good, how can you not gain confidence in your personal abilities?

People who are close to you have more impact on you than you think. Sometimes if you want to change you have to change your surroundings and it should start with your friends.If some of your friends are negative, pessimistic people, they make you a negative and pessimistic person too. And that makes it very hard to improve your confidence. Stop meeting with people who make you feel bad and start meeting with people who make you feel good (preferably with highly confident people).

If you are stuck in a rut, your life becomes boring and predictable. It kills your spontaneity and appetite for life. You don't feel alive and that makes you feel insecure. Make some changes in your life, especially dealing with your everyday life (your job, your partner, your home etc.).If you aren't happy in your current situation, you have to change it to become vibrant once again. When you do it, you'll automatically feel more confident. It's hard to feel confident if you feel unhappy.

Second, speak with confidence. Picture yourself talking with a very close friend so that you will feel comfortable with your conversations. Plan ahead and think about the topics you'd like to discuss during your first date. This gives you a sense of control knowing where to lead the conversations that would enhance the chances of a successful first date. Good examples for getting to know each other better include discussing your likes and dislikes, your work, friends, hobbies you enjoy and how you feel about what's going on in the world, etc. Keep the conversation light, but not too shallow. Don't hesitate to ask questions about your date as this will keep the conversation balanced. Just make sure it is appropriate with regards to the time and place.

Third, be on time. Arriving on time gives your date the impression that you are serious about meeting with him/her. Men, it is appropriate that you come earlier. Don't keep your date waiting. He/she may have other appointments after your date, and you don't want to waste his/her time by showing up late. If you are running a bit behind, it's a common courtesy to call your date to let them know that you will be a little bit late.

Fourth, be yourself. There is no better way to impress your date than by just being yourself! Show him/her the real you; don't pretend to be someone else you are not. By being who you are, you become more comfortable with the way you present yourself as well as the way you engage in conversations. This increases your self-confidence because you don't have to pretend, you just simply show your date the real you.First dates are very exciting, yet it can cause most people feel anxious. It is important to gain confidence especially with first dates to increase the chances of forming lasting relationships with someone new. Through gaining self-confidence, you increase your chances of being successful with your first date and many more.




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