Monday, December 9, 2013

Emotions: Friends Or Foes?

By Al Duncan


"Emotion can be the enemy. If you give in to your emotion, you lose yourself. You must be at one with your emotions because the body always follows the mind." Those are the words of legendary martial artist, Bruce Lee.

It's hard to argue with the premise that emotions are the most powerful force governing our behavior. In many cases, emotions serve as great guardians of your well-being. Their primary function is to ensure your survival so, they can be strong allies.

Remember the old wise-saying, "With friends like these, who needs enemies?" Emotions are the epitome of that expression.

I'm sure you already know that, when left untamed, your basic emotions (anger, joy, disgust, surprise, distress, and fear) would cause you to fight first and ask questions later. Or run first and ask questions later. This is phenomenon known as the Flight or Fight Response.

Flight or Fight Response applies to more than physical situations. Emotions gone wild will have you shouting, crying, or making incorrect assumptions. All of this is done in the name of survival.

In the heat of the moment your body initially responds to a psychological attack (i.e. insults) in the same manner it would a physical threat. Think about that.

Although they are supposed to be our friends, emotions frequently leave us in a world of trouble. Why? The answer is simple.

Human beings are biologically engineered for survival, not diplomacy.

For countless generations, the emotional brain, also known as the limbic system, has been doing what it does best: keeping us out of harms way. Then along comes the neocortex, the logical brain, to make things much complex.

Today, people know that if they don't want to deal with the consequences of physically attacking another person, an insult will often do the trick. Although it's not a physical attack, the other person's emotional brain still recognizes the bad intentions and Flight or Fight Response kicks in.

If you aren't careful, in 3-5 seconds for the chemicals that produce emotions flood your system creating what is often referred to as an emotional hijacking. Your emotions could become your enemies.

In a life and death situation that calls for immediate action and there is little time for thinking, an emotional hijacking might save your life.

At work, however, an emotional hijacking might cost you your job. It might cost you a deal, undermine a negotiation, or ruin a relationship.

So, I guess the timeless advice about counting to ten to calm yourself down is verified, not only by common sense, but also science. Hopefully, counting to ten will give your logical brain a better chance of getting back in control.

So, the next time you feel a wave of emotions crashing down on your system, pause and do your best access your neocortex-the logical brain. Joshua Freeman-leading Emotional Intelligence expert-calls it the "six second pause."

For most people, it's better to take the four additional seconds just to be sure. Impulsive behavior is nothing to play with. It can be costly.

When I was growing up my mom used to always say to me, "Al, don't let your friends get you in trouble."

Mom, you never told me that you were talking about my emotions.




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