Do you encounter problems denying a request without feeling bad? It's not just you, the fact is even a lot of naturally assertive folks typically fall into the trap of accepting a task when they really want to say "no".
Clearly, there can be a number of scenarios where you may not have a choice in the matter, for example in the event that your manager demands that you undertake a task and its part of your job. In any event, there are several occasions where we can refuse without any facing dreadful consequences but yet we say "yes" anyway. Why do we do that?
Why Saying "No" Is So Difficult
The simple reply to why it's so challenging for a lot of people to say "no" is that it makes them feel guilty. This sense of guilt often come from mistaken beliefs about saying "no", such as:
- Saying "no" is rude
- Saying "no" is self centered
- Saying "no" is unkind
- Saying "no" will make folks dislike me
- My preferences aren't as valuable as someone else's wants
Observe that every one of these values are concerned with pleasing people and being regarded well by people. Putting it simply, you're giving another individual the ability to govern your actions rather than accepting responsibility for your own selections.
A Simple Method To Say No Without Feeling Obligated
If you wish to know how to decline a request without guilty emotions, then you'll be required to substitute these attitudes with more helpful ones, along the lines of:
- Just like people possess the right to ask, you possess the right to refuse
- Whenever you say "no", you're refusing the request and not the person
- Almost everyone is understanding enough to accept a "no" response
- Your needs are just as worthwhile as other's wishes
Obviously, you're not probably going to radically convert your attitudes overnight. Substituting those old attitudes with these new ones is going to take time, but the key is to carry on applying them.
The Art Of Saying "No" In A Nutshell
Naturally, even with the appropriate thinking about saying "no" it can remain tricky to verbalize it if the circumstance takes place. These are some practical rules of thumb that will make it less challenging you to refuse a request without too much trouble:
1. Keep it simple
Whenever you're saying "no" to people, it's a good idea to be straightforward about it and keep it brief. You don't have to give a lengthy justification to support it.
2. Be polite about it
You'll get the "no" across without difficulty by being polite about it, e.g. you can say "Thank you for asking, but..."
3. Don't say sorry or offer justifications
When you're refusing a request, you don't have to apologize or give justifications to justify yourself. You possess every right to refuse without offering a justification for it.
4. Take ownership of it
Avoid saying "I can't" or pointing to external circumstances for your refusal. Make it clear that it's your decision instead.
5. Accept the ramifications
In very few occasions, someone you are rejecting to could be temporarily displeased with you and you've got to accept that. It's much better than poisoning the relationship with animosity in the long term.
In conclusion, learning how to refuse a request without feeling bad can be challenging. Applying these lessons of saying "no" can go a long way towards making it easier, but if everything else fails I would strongly suggest enrolling yourself in an official assertiveness training class.
Clearly, there can be a number of scenarios where you may not have a choice in the matter, for example in the event that your manager demands that you undertake a task and its part of your job. In any event, there are several occasions where we can refuse without any facing dreadful consequences but yet we say "yes" anyway. Why do we do that?
Why Saying "No" Is So Difficult
The simple reply to why it's so challenging for a lot of people to say "no" is that it makes them feel guilty. This sense of guilt often come from mistaken beliefs about saying "no", such as:
- Saying "no" is rude
- Saying "no" is self centered
- Saying "no" is unkind
- Saying "no" will make folks dislike me
- My preferences aren't as valuable as someone else's wants
Observe that every one of these values are concerned with pleasing people and being regarded well by people. Putting it simply, you're giving another individual the ability to govern your actions rather than accepting responsibility for your own selections.
A Simple Method To Say No Without Feeling Obligated
If you wish to know how to decline a request without guilty emotions, then you'll be required to substitute these attitudes with more helpful ones, along the lines of:
- Just like people possess the right to ask, you possess the right to refuse
- Whenever you say "no", you're refusing the request and not the person
- Almost everyone is understanding enough to accept a "no" response
- Your needs are just as worthwhile as other's wishes
Obviously, you're not probably going to radically convert your attitudes overnight. Substituting those old attitudes with these new ones is going to take time, but the key is to carry on applying them.
The Art Of Saying "No" In A Nutshell
Naturally, even with the appropriate thinking about saying "no" it can remain tricky to verbalize it if the circumstance takes place. These are some practical rules of thumb that will make it less challenging you to refuse a request without too much trouble:
1. Keep it simple
Whenever you're saying "no" to people, it's a good idea to be straightforward about it and keep it brief. You don't have to give a lengthy justification to support it.
2. Be polite about it
You'll get the "no" across without difficulty by being polite about it, e.g. you can say "Thank you for asking, but..."
3. Don't say sorry or offer justifications
When you're refusing a request, you don't have to apologize or give justifications to justify yourself. You possess every right to refuse without offering a justification for it.
4. Take ownership of it
Avoid saying "I can't" or pointing to external circumstances for your refusal. Make it clear that it's your decision instead.
5. Accept the ramifications
In very few occasions, someone you are rejecting to could be temporarily displeased with you and you've got to accept that. It's much better than poisoning the relationship with animosity in the long term.
In conclusion, learning how to refuse a request without feeling bad can be challenging. Applying these lessons of saying "no" can go a long way towards making it easier, but if everything else fails I would strongly suggest enrolling yourself in an official assertiveness training class.
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